Bonanza of Blessings- time to share the blog!

Dear friends,
I have enjoyed adding things to my blog for my own sake- recording the lessons I've learned and good ideas I've come across.  I think it's time to make these things more available to the broader sphere of people who might benefit from my experience- not that it's so special, but since I'm going to the effort of recording it, maybe some internet-lovers out there will gain from reading about it!

Drumroll please....
I'm trying to get 100 followers! 

Contest to motivate you to sign up....
When we reach 100 followers for Bonanza of Blessings, and each new follower tells me their favorite blog post thus far BY COMMENT, EMAIL, or FACEBOOK, I will give away to FOUR blog-followers their top choice book that I have reviewed on my blog.  Yup.  On my own dime!

I really hope you will sign up and comment or make suggestions!  Thanks!

Follow me on Pinterest!

http://pinterest.com/kfriedman18/backyard-ideas/

I have several boards on Pinterest, which allows you to gather photos of things on the internet into "idea books."

The one I'd like to highlight is Backyard Ideas.  Spring is coming and there are many wonderful things parents can do to encourage creativity, learning, and love of nature in their own yard.  Good luck to everyone who tries to implement the things they dream of!

Book Review: Kids are Worth it! by Barbara Coloroso

Coloroso writes that there are three types of families: Jellyfish, Backbone, and Brick Wall.  Studying these family types through her book has been so enlightening.  To partially summarize the author's  parenting style, I would list: promotion of respect, structure, communication, and known expectations.  I found her book to be full of very positive ideas and helpful distinctions.  (Distinctions can be SOOO HELPFUL!!)

She has some very influential ideas about reward and punishment.  You will never look at those things, or praise vs. encouragement, the same way again!

A few key chapter headings:

-The triangle of Indlucen: Encouragement, Feedback and Discipline
-Three Alternatives to No and Other Plan Bs
-Settling Sibling Rivalry- some good ideas!
-The Big C and Three Rs: Chores, Relaxation, Recreation, and Rebellion
-Money Matters (Allowance)
-mealtime, bedtime, Toilet training, and teaching about sexuality

Ideas...

SIX CRITICAL LIFE MESSAGES:
I believe in you
I trust in you
I know you can handle this
You are listened to
You are cared for
You are very important to me
-Importance of parents nurturing themselves too :)

-try not to conclude conflicts with both parties losing
-Re-creating ourselves through play
-The importance of relaxation
-what are fair, reasonable contributions for family members to the household
-long car rides are a good time for conversations
-different age groups of children- including one I hadn't heard of before- the "Un" Age- unable to be a child, unable to be an adult (ages 12-15)
-celebrate puberty!  (that idea will make you look this book up, right?)

Great article on homeschooling

18 Reasons Why Doctors and Lawyers Homeschool Their Children

Good article on anger

10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids

by a mom to four young boys, former yeller, blogger at TheOrangeRhino.com

January 20, 2012. I will never forget that date. Thinking I was home alone with my four boys, then ages 5 and under, my handyman caught me in a full on, red in the face, body shaking, throat throbbing scream so bad that all my boys burst into tears. I was mortified. Mortified! And so sad; this was not the mom I had ever dreamed I would be! The next day I decided enough was enough and I promised my boys I would go 365 days straight without yelling. Soon thereafter I discovered that rhinos are calm animals that charge when provoked; I was so a rhino (I even have lots of stretch marks and saggy body parts to prove it.) I just charged with my words instead of a horn. I quickly started calling myself The Orange Rhino as a reminder to no longer yell, but instead to be calm like a rhino and warm like the color orange.

Book review

 If I Have to Tell You One More Time... : The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling by Amy McCready

This book is awesome.  It covers SO many of the most important parenting lessons I've read about everywhere else.

Toolbox Solutions for parents:
1 Mind, Body, and Soul Time- with kids
2 The Calm Voice - the power of mirroring!
3 Encouragement (not praise!)
4 Take Time for Training (teaching kids how to do things right)
5 Choices (gives the feeling of power)
6 Decide what you do (the parents-your reaction is the only thing you can truly control)
7 Control the environment (set up the environment for your kids to succeed)
8 When-Then (say it, fill in the blanks, and walk away! Be consistent.)
9 Make when-then routines the boss.  (The routine that makes things work for all different kinds of day)
10 Natural Consequences (Kid causes it) (requires 5 R's below so it works fairly and effectively)
-Respectful
-Related
-Reasonable
-Revealed in advance
-Repeat it back to you
11 Logical Consequences (similar to #10, but when #10 isn't available or practical or would take too long to play out.  For example: hitting)
12 Either-Or Consequences
13 Ignore Undue-Attention Requests
14 Attention Overload (fill up their "meter" before you really need good behavior)
15 Invite Cooperation (Respectful rather than demanding way to make request. Saves "face" for the kid) (Sometimes needs a follow-up tool such as When-Then
16 Withdraw from Conflict
17 Using "I Feel" Statements (I feel...when you....  I wish...)
18 Stay Out of Fights (siblings)
19 Teach Conflict Resolution Options
20 Helpful Parent Involvement (to intervene when necessary in a conflict.  Try the "sportscaster" narration role.
21 All in it Together.  (Everyone who is part of the fight has the same consequence.)
22-23 Basic Family Meeting

Start, Stop Continue
"3 Things I'd like to start:
3 Things I'd like to stop:
3 Things I'd like to continue:"

School is Going Great!  The teachers and kids love having Adira in their class.  The teachers have said that she adapted super well to the routine and "jumped right in."  We are so proud of her!  I guess we did a good job with her thus far, if she transitioned so smoothly!  She's a great girl!  ;-)

The Computer Epiphany

I realized that the computer is both a window, letting light in, and a black hole, sucking the user in/down. 

The Rebbetzin's Parenting Chabura- notes March 2013


Oppositional defiant disorder book for older kids by Douglas Riley
Best thing for this kind of kid is (in summary): structure and boundaries and follow through, choices they can make, and humor. Humor can be the best new approach!
 
When kids see people not living the way we do, and it looks enticing, help them articulate why Torah life is wonderful.  The best way to keep our kids strong in their faith is to make everything so joyful that they love doing it.

How to build self-esteem:
Give kids the skills to do things
Teach social skills
Give leadership roles
Praise the middos and effort, not just a job done perfectly
Avoid labeling them or criticism bc it can be so detrimental!
Tell daddy in front of kids about mitzvahs they did
Ask kids for advice- makes them feel good about themselves
'I'd bet my last dollar on you!' (from Daniella's mother)- I have so much faith in you
I trust you to do this well
Make sure they know that there is a difference between making mistakes and 'being bad.'
Write them a note for them to see somewhere, like in lunch or under pillow, telling something nice.