Concise and useful parenting lessons from Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman

I read a long and fascinating book about an American woman's experience raising her children in France.  I really recommend it for it's entertainment and cultural value!  I learned SO many useful ideas!

Below are terms that Bringing up Bebe uses.  I found sharing my favorite terms to be the best way to sum up a lot of the ideas in the book.  The terms don't cover the semi-magical way that French parents teach babies to sleep, and the terms also don't explain the general routine of family meals where children are expected to eat a variety of foods, not throw food, not leave the table frequently, etc.  To get those ideas, you'll have to read the book!  You'll laugh a ton also.

Attend- wait, stop.  Implies the child doesn’t require immediate gratification, and that he can entertain himself.

Autonomie- the blend of independence and self-reliance that French parents encourage in their children from an early age

Betise- a small act of naughtiness.  Labeling an offense a mere betise helps parents respond to it with moderation.

Bonjour- reference to the mandatory salutations that children are trained to give to adults, rather than being permitted to exist in their own world where they do not communicate with adults unless absolutely necessary.

Cadre- framework.  The parenting ideal of having firm limits (the frame) but within it there is freedom of choice for most things.  A big concept in France, apparently, and a good one for parental sanity!

Caprice- a child’s impulsive whim, fancy, or demand, often accompanied by whining or tears.  French parents believe it is damaging to accede to a caprice.

Complicite- the mutual understanding that French parents and caregivers try to develop with children, beginning from birth.  Complicitie implies that even small babies are rational beings, with whom adults can have reciprocal, respectful relationships.

Doucement- gently, carefully.  One of the words that parents say frequently to small children.  It implies that the children are capable of controlled, mindful behavior.

Enfant roi- child king.  An excessively demanding child who is constantly the center of his parent’s attendtion and can’t cope with frustration.

Equilibre- blanace.  Not letting one part of life, including being a parent- overwhelm the other parts.

Ideal characteristics: Eveille- awaked, alert, stimulated.  Sage- wise and calm, a child who is control of himself or absorbed in an activity.  Implies a degree of self-directed-ness and independence. 

Gouter- the afternoon snack for kids that is the only snack of the day. 

Les gros yeux- the wide eyes that parents show children to admonish, signaling them their behavior is wrong and they should feel a bit ashamed and stop.

Maman taxi- a mother who is not in equilibre because she is shuttling her kids all over to activities in all her available time.

Even as I write these, I am trying hard to teach the concepts to my daughter.  And it’s not an overnight transformation.  In fact, I’ve been using a lot of these ideas for a while now because they are intuitive or I learned them from my mom or other strong "influencers" in my life.  French parents do understand that the education (upbringing and formation) of a child does not happen overnight; it is a process.  These are often not patently and uniquely French ideas, but giving us Anglophones a French name for this advice helps to us teach it to ourselves and remember it!