Summer 2013 Sewing Camps & Work

My awesome campers made a variety of interesting projects.  Meanwhile, I only got around to keeping up with the mending and little repairs and a few special lessons/jobs/projects like the tie-dyed tie below!  The campers made several stuffed animals, a pop-open chick-in-shell, pillow cases, pajama pants, and of course a few fun pin-cushions.

play money that is SO much cooler than the flimsy paper stuff! 

Surprise!  It was a nice conceptual challenge to understand how this chick "came to be."  And in this case, we know which came first. 

Today I will be a do-er: from a good blogger

I really like this blogger.  She writes about Waldorf Homeschooling and being a whole, healthy family and individual.  I strongly recommend reading her blog- if you follow it, you'll get about 1x/week and they are so insightful!!!

The Parenting Passageway, Simplicity Monday: "Doing"

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Carrie

Just for today, I will be a “do-er”.
I will put away my computer, phone, email, Facebook and be present with my children.
I will stop researching parenting styles, homeschooling curriculum or other outside advice, and look inside myself to see what is right for my own family.   I will talk about this with my spouse and together we will work toward our own family culture.
I will work in my home and show my children how to do practical things.
I will involve my whole family in working in our home in a caring way.
I will have fun with my family and do things that will create memories.
I will initiate and take the time to sustain doing real physical exercise and inner work.
I will include myself and my needs as part of the family and show my family that I am a person as well by doing something for myself, even if that just means taking the time to do my hair and put on clothes that fit.
I will take the time to go to a place of worship if that has been calling me; instead of listing all the reasons why I cannot do that.
I will go to bed at a reasonable hour.
If I am feeling sad or blue, I will do something nice for myself and also something nice for someone else. 
I will plan my day tomorrow and actually do things, even if it is not perfect.
I will dream big and I will do.

Many blessings,
Carrie

Hebrew Storytime

Back in February a friend and I jump-started a program where young kids would gather with their parents and a native Hebrew reader/activity leader, to be exposed to Hebrew through activities, movement, crafts, and listening to stories.  It went really well and I wanted to post the flyer to help remind myself and others about the concept.

The flyer (opens in new window)

If you want the outlines for our 6 sessions including games, stories, crafts, and songs to be lead in Hebrew, please leave a comment and I will send you the information I created!

Mothers with Young Kids on Tisha B'Av, the Jewish national day of mourning

After spending a few years with my toddler-now-three-year-old on the 9th of Av, and now with my 1 year old too, I've had a bit of time to gradually adapt to making the day spent with children meaningful- neither empty nor crazily full.  Let's get right to the point- here are some recommendations I've gathered.

-Talk to your rabbi before the day to get instructions on fasting
-Print out coloring sheets, such as this Kotel and this Jerusalem
-Print out articles for yourself, order books & puzzles for the kids- please post in comments section if you have any good suggestions.  I need some!
-Try to plan to attend a synagogue's video presentation, or locate some good online presentations.
-Prepare the kids' food and break-fast food the day before
-Make a picnic/activity/reading area to relax in before Chatzos when you are not sitting "high"
-Invite pre-bat mitzvah or pre-bar mitzvah aged kids over to play/hang out.  They won't be fasting for most of the day and can help you out and keep you company
-Get out your building blocks.  It's time to rebuilt the Bais HaMikdash.  Talk about how we want Hashem to be pleased with this beautiful place where we will all come together to serve Hashem and celebrate.  Talk about how Hashem took it away because our avoda (service of G-d) was devoid of the inner demension and the consideration of other people.
-Use felt boards or paper dolls (or real dolls) to share the conversational "game" about ahavas chinam- caring and love for others- "How does Mommy show you (and ___) that I love you and care about you?" "How do YOU (the child) show family and friends how they are loved and cared about?" 
-www.chinuch.org has a section for 17th of Tammuz and 9th of Av.  There are lots of projects, including a model Bais HaMikdash, non-leather "slippers," power point presentations, games, quizzes, stories, even songs!
-Decorate poster of "Ahavat Chinam"
-Learn about Jewish unity and ahavas Yisrael.  Anyone have any good ideas for games to teach this? 
-Consider the words of the Slonimer Rebbe (explained by R' Trugman in Seeds and Sparks- and on his website/FB):  The 22 days of mourning in the summer are like the outline on the drawing, to be filled in and brought back to life with the 22 days of holidays and celebrating in Tishrei.  The 22 days are also likened to the Hebrew alphabet, which has 22 letters, and represents a complete cycle.  We have to get down to the hard stuff so that we can be compassionate people.  We have to break open the past, and ourselves, so that we can fill ourselves up anew and make the present and future better than the past.
-Finally, view it as somewhat of a Shabbos.  You have the opportunity to focus on your family and your people and are encouraged not to be involved with "work."  This aids us in our own introspective process- thinking about why the Bais HaMikdash was taken away from us to begin with.


Just wrote this post before the end of the 9 Av.  Please post suggestions/comments!

Kiwi Magazine article on Positive Discipline summarizes GREAT advice

 

Kiwi Magazine is so good that I sometimes find I am folding down a large corner of almost every page to remember to look further into a topic, buy a book, try a recipe, etc.

The June/July issue did everyone a real big favor by reminding them of one of the best resources for positive parenting solutions!

Headers:

 All behavior is goal oriented

kids have intrinsic need for belonging and significance

preempt outbursts for power by giving choices & spending time together

correct with the 5 R's of consequences

and for the rest of the details read Amy McCready's book which I reviewed and gave some more highlights from in a recent post, or see:

positiveparentingsolutions.com and If I Have to Tell You One More Time

CAMP NORAH- by moms, for kids! Torah, nature, art & lots of fun!

Wow, have April to June been busy, ever since spring arrived and summer started coming on the horizon! 

I'm on Instagram, joined Twitter to follow news (but not using it much yet!), using FB for PR and staying connected, setting up daycamp with Daniela, working the garden with Adira, preparing for summer sewing workshops, and keeping up with my busy hubby, cruising angel Nesi, and always-bustling home full of cooking, cleaning, and designing to dos!  

I'm thankful to my family and friends for their support on these many fronts.  Please browse my recent posts and let me know what you think- and if you'd like to sign up or be involved in any of my summer projects!

flyer for CAMP NORAH :) campnorah@gmail.com, see our FB group, or call us!

 

Update on our yard, deck, and garden work

Update on my creative work...the fabric side of things!

A basketball analogy and some oldies-but-goodies I found on parenting

Basketball analogy: When fouled, don’t react equally because then YOU could get a foul (personal foul) too.  Pretend to act mechanically to discipline- not like you've been emotionally involved.  If your child is misbehaving, be diplomatic, so you don't end up doing something wrong also.

In conflict, say in a kind voice:  I don’t want this to happen!  We were all playing so nicely.  But we have a safe and pleasant house for everyone....

If you are having trouble making a larger positive habit-change as a parent, try JUST ONE HOUR a day- i.e., don’t react with anger for just that one hour and let it grow.

Give toddlers freedom and time to play- play is practicing for life and play is personal growth!

As parents, give all the time we need for proper routines and teaching/learning middos (character development) around the house. 

On rushing: Anything done that requires rushing is going to compromise our parenting ideals, because we can't give kids the time they need to practice and learn and do things independently and right if we have to rush them.  

 

·  Try to keep your child's actions in perspective. If this were someone else's child, would you be so upset by the behavior?

·  Think about why your child is acting the way he is, instead of just getting mad. This will help you think of ways to help your child.

Bonanza of Blessings- time to share the blog!

Dear friends,
I have enjoyed adding things to my blog for my own sake- recording the lessons I've learned and good ideas I've come across.  I think it's time to make these things more available to the broader sphere of people who might benefit from my experience- not that it's so special, but since I'm going to the effort of recording it, maybe some internet-lovers out there will gain from reading about it!

Drumroll please....
I'm trying to get 100 followers! 

Contest to motivate you to sign up....
When we reach 100 followers for Bonanza of Blessings, and each new follower tells me their favorite blog post thus far BY COMMENT, EMAIL, or FACEBOOK, I will give away to FOUR blog-followers their top choice book that I have reviewed on my blog.  Yup.  On my own dime!

I really hope you will sign up and comment or make suggestions!  Thanks!

Follow me on Pinterest!

http://pinterest.com/kfriedman18/backyard-ideas/

I have several boards on Pinterest, which allows you to gather photos of things on the internet into "idea books."

The one I'd like to highlight is Backyard Ideas.  Spring is coming and there are many wonderful things parents can do to encourage creativity, learning, and love of nature in their own yard.  Good luck to everyone who tries to implement the things they dream of!

Book Review: Kids are Worth it! by Barbara Coloroso

Coloroso writes that there are three types of families: Jellyfish, Backbone, and Brick Wall.  Studying these family types through her book has been so enlightening.  To partially summarize the author's  parenting style, I would list: promotion of respect, structure, communication, and known expectations.  I found her book to be full of very positive ideas and helpful distinctions.  (Distinctions can be SOOO HELPFUL!!)

She has some very influential ideas about reward and punishment.  You will never look at those things, or praise vs. encouragement, the same way again!

A few key chapter headings:

-The triangle of Indlucen: Encouragement, Feedback and Discipline
-Three Alternatives to No and Other Plan Bs
-Settling Sibling Rivalry- some good ideas!
-The Big C and Three Rs: Chores, Relaxation, Recreation, and Rebellion
-Money Matters (Allowance)
-mealtime, bedtime, Toilet training, and teaching about sexuality

Ideas...

SIX CRITICAL LIFE MESSAGES:
I believe in you
I trust in you
I know you can handle this
You are listened to
You are cared for
You are very important to me
-Importance of parents nurturing themselves too :)

-try not to conclude conflicts with both parties losing
-Re-creating ourselves through play
-The importance of relaxation
-what are fair, reasonable contributions for family members to the household
-long car rides are a good time for conversations
-different age groups of children- including one I hadn't heard of before- the "Un" Age- unable to be a child, unable to be an adult (ages 12-15)
-celebrate puberty!  (that idea will make you look this book up, right?)

Great article on homeschooling

18 Reasons Why Doctors and Lawyers Homeschool Their Children

Good article on anger

10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids

by a mom to four young boys, former yeller, blogger at TheOrangeRhino.com

January 20, 2012. I will never forget that date. Thinking I was home alone with my four boys, then ages 5 and under, my handyman caught me in a full on, red in the face, body shaking, throat throbbing scream so bad that all my boys burst into tears. I was mortified. Mortified! And so sad; this was not the mom I had ever dreamed I would be! The next day I decided enough was enough and I promised my boys I would go 365 days straight without yelling. Soon thereafter I discovered that rhinos are calm animals that charge when provoked; I was so a rhino (I even have lots of stretch marks and saggy body parts to prove it.) I just charged with my words instead of a horn. I quickly started calling myself The Orange Rhino as a reminder to no longer yell, but instead to be calm like a rhino and warm like the color orange.

Book review

 If I Have to Tell You One More Time... : The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling by Amy McCready

This book is awesome.  It covers SO many of the most important parenting lessons I've read about everywhere else.

Toolbox Solutions for parents:
1 Mind, Body, and Soul Time- with kids
2 The Calm Voice - the power of mirroring!
3 Encouragement (not praise!)
4 Take Time for Training (teaching kids how to do things right)
5 Choices (gives the feeling of power)
6 Decide what you do (the parents-your reaction is the only thing you can truly control)
7 Control the environment (set up the environment for your kids to succeed)
8 When-Then (say it, fill in the blanks, and walk away! Be consistent.)
9 Make when-then routines the boss.  (The routine that makes things work for all different kinds of day)
10 Natural Consequences (Kid causes it) (requires 5 R's below so it works fairly and effectively)
-Respectful
-Related
-Reasonable
-Revealed in advance
-Repeat it back to you
11 Logical Consequences (similar to #10, but when #10 isn't available or practical or would take too long to play out.  For example: hitting)
12 Either-Or Consequences
13 Ignore Undue-Attention Requests
14 Attention Overload (fill up their "meter" before you really need good behavior)
15 Invite Cooperation (Respectful rather than demanding way to make request. Saves "face" for the kid) (Sometimes needs a follow-up tool such as When-Then
16 Withdraw from Conflict
17 Using "I Feel" Statements (I feel...when you....  I wish...)
18 Stay Out of Fights (siblings)
19 Teach Conflict Resolution Options
20 Helpful Parent Involvement (to intervene when necessary in a conflict.  Try the "sportscaster" narration role.
21 All in it Together.  (Everyone who is part of the fight has the same consequence.)
22-23 Basic Family Meeting

Start, Stop Continue
"3 Things I'd like to start:
3 Things I'd like to stop:
3 Things I'd like to continue:"

School is Going Great!  The teachers and kids love having Adira in their class.  The teachers have said that she adapted super well to the routine and "jumped right in."  We are so proud of her!  I guess we did a good job with her thus far, if she transitioned so smoothly!  She's a great girl!  ;-)

The Computer Epiphany

I realized that the computer is both a window, letting light in, and a black hole, sucking the user in/down. 

The Rebbetzin's Parenting Chabura- notes March 2013


Oppositional defiant disorder book for older kids by Douglas Riley
Best thing for this kind of kid is (in summary): structure and boundaries and follow through, choices they can make, and humor. Humor can be the best new approach!
 
When kids see people not living the way we do, and it looks enticing, help them articulate why Torah life is wonderful.  The best way to keep our kids strong in their faith is to make everything so joyful that they love doing it.

How to build self-esteem:
Give kids the skills to do things
Teach social skills
Give leadership roles
Praise the middos and effort, not just a job done perfectly
Avoid labeling them or criticism bc it can be so detrimental!
Tell daddy in front of kids about mitzvahs they did
Ask kids for advice- makes them feel good about themselves
'I'd bet my last dollar on you!' (from Daniella's mother)- I have so much faith in you
I trust you to do this well
Make sure they know that there is a difference between making mistakes and 'being bad.'
Write them a note for them to see somewhere, like in lunch or under pillow, telling something nice.

Why I don't need to feel guilty about not homeschooling

Assuaging my Mommy Guilt!

Homeschooling is not a good option for our family here and now. We are embracing the option of enrolling Adira in an early-childhood play/education program.

It has been impossible lately to meet both Adira’s social needs and relieve Mommy’s pressures to keep up with her responsibilities.  If our city/neighborhood had more stay-at-home moms and homeschooled kids, we would have company. If times were different, maybe Mommy wouldn’t feel so much stress in trying to complete her household tasks. There will be many good things about this choice.

We will still take primary responsibility for Adira’s education in general and Judaic studies.  We still take primary responsibility for the molding of her character. Sending her to nursery school (or later years of formal schooling) does not replace our primacy as her teachers.

Mommy will use Adira’s time in nursery school to make phone calls, do computer work, advance the major household projects/renovations, and exercise.  It will also allow Nesya to nap and have some Mommy-time. It is very important for Mommy to reduce "to-dos" during this time.

Afternoons will be a time of fun and child- and family-focused activity!  Mommy has hundreds of ideas for wonderful activities.  This will also be a time for dinner prep and some light housework as that is good for the development of character in kids.

Homeschooling is not only a real thing but it is also a state of mind.  We can always embrace the spirit of home education and offer it as an option if school is too problematic/not ideal.  These early years when our kids are pre-reading and not getting any form of electronic “babysitting”, as well as the reasons stated in paragraph 1a and 1b, make it clear that the best option for us now is nursery school, and carrying on the spirit  of homeschooling.

The Rebbetzin's Parenting Chabura- January - February 2013

January 2013
It is good to create a family stamp and identity- a flag like each tribe had when Bnai Yisrael were in the desert. 

Similar to a couple having a mission statement.  It gives kids an identity and a cause to rally behind, such as: kiruv, health, outdoors, hobby, israel, middos.  We can turn and interest we have to Hashem.
First create the positive identity; then you can create the 'what we don't do in our family' part of it.
Ask your friends what you stand for in their eyes- that might help you understand what you already represent.

note by KF:  I have recently read a LOT about this topic- Parade Magazine, Wall Street Journal, Parents Magazine are all discussing the secrets of successful and happy families, and how to create a family identity.

Question from participant: When to have the puberty talk with girls? 
Friday after candle-lighting is the best because it is uninterrupted and holy time. Talking and relating on deeper level. Should be at 5th grade age or earlier depending on development. Use book the wonder of becoming you by dr miriam grossman.  The aspect of holiness in shabbos helps make conversation easier. It helps to explain how our bodies are holy and hashem made them this way. One way to say things: Under the chuppa Hashem blesses a mother with the ability to carry a baby.

February 6, 2013
-home responsibilities for kids

Giving jobs and chores helps develop maturity and ability to cope with adversity

Tell them “I’m doing this for your good” when helping them cope with adversity/something not ideal in their minds

-touch and children

Touch is very important for both boys and girls

We start training children re: laws of shomer negia at one year before bar/bas mitzvah

Grandparents and siblings touch is OK, but sometimes brother-sister touch can be uncomfortable for older kids.  respectful, light affection is good

-Middos

“What middos should I teach at home the most?”

Hakaras hatov.  Kids who are grateful are happier.

Ayin tova- seeing things positively

Emes-truth

Chessed (but not taught as though “we are doing them a chessed”)

Social skills

Orderliness- teach it explicitly- “this is how you organize…”

-warm/harsh balance of parents

Teach that we defer to Daddy’s decision (especially regarding halacha)

Mother know they can greatly influence, in gentle and effective ways, when she knows what the situation really requires- bina

Chachmas nashim bansa beisa- a woman’s wisdom builds her home.  This means you figure out how to “work with” your husband and make things good like they can be

Kids would rather be disciplined harshly than see their parents discord, studies say.

Mothers need to be disciplinarians and set limits and structure but also need to stay nurturing

February 20, 2013

Modesty/tznius

best way to explain the beauty of it (once we ourselves are comfortable with it) is to tell daughter that the Torah instructshide what is special in our bodies
Make tznius a sign of being older like make-up and heels
If a child wants to go overboard explain that they can do it for fun but they can always stop when they want. That makes it NOT a rebellion to shorten sleeves, trim off peyos, etc

The more tznius in your home, the more refinement.
tznius = nobility, beauty
Dignity of being dressed
Little girls can see anything but dad's private parts, but more coverage translates to being held in higher esteem
For curious questions give a little information.  What is [the bra]?  Mommy's clothing.  Etc.

Sibling rivalry- Daniela had idea of kids have to try to work it out before hey come to mommy- great.
Sibling rivalry happens when kids aren't happy. If they feel special as who they are they won't covet or be jealous
Give them internal strength
Give them responsibilities because it makes them feel good
Talk more about middos and not just end result. Talk about inner growth- zerizus, kavod
'In the house you can fight but outside of the house you take care of each other.' 

Kids feel secure with that.
Fighting means they are having a hard time

We teach halacha "No before yes"- it's easier to understand "lo sa'aseh" mitzvos first.  The "no's" are taught (i.e. Chinuch- proper training) at age 4-5, and the "yes's" at 5-6.  Of course they only "have" to do it at bar/bas mitzvah age.
We teach when they can understand