Mom's 5th Yartzheit - thoughts on striving and success as a parent

Tonight begins my mom's fifth yartzheit -October 7, 2015/ Tishrei 25, 5766. As with every day, I think of my mom so much.  We wish she could have been with us for so much longer.  She was so beloved.  She left us with such a legacy for living, even while dying from a nasty disease, illustrated in one memorable way by giving the entire family gifts from the "Life is Good" brand during her last Chanukah season.  Tonight, when Adira saw the yartzheit candle, she said, "Oh, Grandma, I love you so much!"  That makes me happy that I have spoken about her enough and so positively that she feels like saying that. (See this page on my blog for the "Lesson from Mom" bookmark, and this inspirational, cute, sometimes funny, somewhat cheesy and haphazardly completed video version of it, both links open on new pages.)  

If you are blessed to be a mother, and have learned from your own mother, just appreciate for a moment the incredible balance and effort it takes for a mother to give exactly what her child needs and wants.  If you look back over time, and can say that you are proud of your mother, consider yourself so fortunate.  Every day with a family takes effort and planning (and forgiveness when we fail) to try to live our dreams and be the person and parent we really want to be.  If your mother gave her balanced love and support to you, or at least according to your best recollection she did pretty well, be grateful. It isn’t easy for some of us (author included!) to do it, but we are striving!  If at some point in your life, earlier or later, young or mature, you felt that you just couldn’t get enough of your mom, be thankful!  That’s a wonderful feeling to have and you are blessed. 

I think that my kids can’t get enough of me- at least when they are aware of their desire to connect through joy and love or through neediness.  That inspires me to keep trying to be the best mom I can be, to give them the life gift of stable, emotional, and practical support that they crave.  (Someone please remind me of that about five times every day, please!)  I really want that close connection to endure and guide us through the ages and stages ahead.  I want my girls to come talk to me and for us to share a great loving connection.  I think about the ways in which my mom supported us, her kids, as long as she lived.  We all just loved the sound of her voice, the feel of her arm around our shoulder, the texture of her hands which worked hard both inside and outside.  She would quietly come up to our rooms and offer a listening ear or helpful advice when we were troubled.  She was such a genuine, kind, fair, and generous person; I would be surprised if she left any enemies behind, ever!  She taught us so many lessons of derech eretz (proper ways of living*) and Torah.  She was gentle, patient, tolerant, and rarely judged others.  She was equally at ease with toddlers, adults, and the elderly.  She might have some wry comment to make that would show her "normal" side but it was always still respectful.  She could never contain her joy, frequently laughing and coming to tears, but did try to keep her suffering from cancer to herself to spare her loving survivors.  I think she did an excellent job as a parent, and she certainly left me wanting more of her, wanting her life to last many more decades overlapping with mine.  But I’m thankful that I had a such a reliable mother, for whatever length G-d gave her, because not everyone has that blessing.

On my mom’s yartzheit, I wish for all of us parents this blessing: may we be granted extra siyata dish’maya (heavenly assistance) to fulfill our dreams, parent according to our ideals, help fill our kids’ buckets of self-esteem, and properly prepare them for succeeding and dealing with the many facets of life.  In other words, help us find our superhero capes!  And may those magical capes of our strong, positive, resilient thoughts help us get through our own ups and downs and keep believing in our potential to be increasingly greater.

*I should have asked for a pardon and foregiveness in advance, because my mom would not have approved of referring to one's parents as "she" and "he."  Mom was very good at teaching proper etiquette and respect for parents!  It may seem almost impossible, but that was the level of proper etiquette she hoped we could attain.  (There I go again with "she!" Well, we can't all be perfect... :) )

side bar:

For the many of you who have enjoyed your copy of the "Mom-mark" that I made after she passed, here's a twin-set of something I did not include but thought would be great to add!  "Get organized and keep good records, but allow yourself a few small places for junk and favorite treasures!"

Mom was famous (at least within our family) for the great packing lists she had for camping trips (with notes of what worked and failed), the great family tree histories she completed, being a great secretary of gifts received (for TY note writing purposes), and more.  She was extremely organized, but made it look easy (because it most likely made life easier to be organized, as I find for myself!)  She had a "junk drawer" in the kitchen full of random items for downstairs use.  She also had a long dresser in her bedroom (now it's in mine!) beautifully arranged with artifacts from her four decades of travels, kids' school projects, and little treasures, and a place in some of the drawers for special things.