Principles and Golden Rules of Toddler Discipline and Behavior

Enjoy, learn, comment, and see note at the bottom when you are done :)

Principles of Toddler Discipline (expanded on in “Golden Rules” below) 
1. Make rules and instructions as clear and simple as possible. 

2. Remind children of rules, and repeat gently and often.

3. Ignore the small things or address them without emotion. 

4. Know your child- and what expectations are appropriate.

5. Be consistent with rules and follow through with consequences.

6. Do not call a child “bad” or “bad girl/bad boy.”  Only label the behavior as “bad.”

Golden Rules for Teaching Toddlers Good Behavior

Encourage Good Behavior by…

Successful teaching parents notice and praise good behavior, thus encouraging good behavior and discouraging misbehavior.  A child values his/her parent’s approval above all else.  Be specific and generous with praise.  Give your child confidence and self-esteem that they can choose the right thing.  (Verbally affirm their innate goodness.)

Prevent Problems

Avoid challenging situations because it is harder for ANYONE to behave properly under those circumstances.  Keep the environment safe and limit exposure to things that can be dangerously (or naughtily) misused.
Respect the needs of the child and yourself (food, temperature, and exhaustion are common triggers for stress, difficulty, and misbehavior).  
Know that if you (the parent) bring the child into a challenging situation, you need to be more flexible with helping them get through it.  Plan ahead and prioritize to avoid it.
Remind the child of the rules before s/he needs to apply them.  Review good and bad experiences to learn from them and teach your children.

Aim for Consistency

Enforce rules- don’t be permissive one time and the next time get angry.  (And don’t underestimate the power of communication: explain and talk as if your child understands, because they just might!) 
Try to follow through on your ultimatums and use tools to help you- such as a kitchen timer or a behavior chart.
There's room for exceptions- just explain why the deviation from the norm is OK this time, and remind them that the parent decides when.

Stay cool

Stern, serious, and authoritative is one way to respond to misbehavior- letting your temper go on a child is another completely.  Yelling degrades a child and sets a very poor example of dealing with trouble.  Toddlers may also tune out shouting or think it’s funny and try to get a rise out of you again.  Avoid sounding uncertain about what you are saying.  Don’t be timid either- you need your authority in the home to be known.

Set a Good Example

Don’t accidentally demonstrate the behavior you are discouraging or punishing.  Show your child how to act calmly even under duress.  Don’t insist on controlling things that are not important; respect your child’s individuality and don’t take childhood whims too seriously.

Think age-appropriate

“The older, the wiser!”  Have age appropriate rules and consequences in mind so you are ready to mold good behavior and correct misbehavior.  Remember that development varies and maturity comes with time.  For example, hitting is wrong, but expected (even age-appropriate, unfortunately) for toddlers who cannot communicate their feelings adequately.

Don’t forget to show love and forgiveness

Don’t withhold love and affection.  Take time to cool off, brainstorm solutions, and come up with a response plan.  Then you’ll feel better able to deal with the present problem and the ongoing challenge of raising kids without occasionally going crazy!

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I hope this helped someone else, like it helped me to study and write it!  Feel free to pass it on (and if nec., attribute it to this blog.)

I culled this together from a number of online sources but reworded, rephrased, summarized, and added to it myself.  I also used this intense “review” of teaching and discipline strategies to make our own family rule list.  I know it will be helpful in conveying my philosophy to my husband and being unified about parenting.  Since he spends a bit less time in the role of “teaching parent” than I do, as the full-time caregiver, it will be good to have a “master plan.”