Notes from a great video presentation on anger (for parents)

PUTTING THE LID ON ANGER

 A video presentation by Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski and Mrs. Shlomtzy Weiss

R’ Twerski section:

-Turn down the heat of your anger- it is easier to do that than clean up the spilled pot which boiled over (the results of angry interactions and increased hurt from communicating while angry.)

-One of his main techniques for conquering anger was to read the Ramban’s letter to his son once a week.  It can be found at this link: http://www.pirchei.co.il/specials/ramban/ramban.htm

-It is about humility, calmness, avoiding anger, and teshuva.

-Another idea of R’ Twerski’s was to make an anger journal where you record the problem and how it was dealt with, to help you track your challenges

-Every time you get angry, wait to respond until you are wearing your “anger jacket” (or hat, whatever), or drink a cup of water, or some other calming down and waiting routine.

-Be careful not to model anger for kids

Rbtzn Weiss section:

-Anger rests in recesses of fools mind -Shlomo haMelech

-Ramban explains- we have free will!  We cannot ever rely on “I was out of control; I could not stop myself.”  We must always strive for greater self-control.  Exercise your free will.

-Sometimes people say, 'I was not feeling like myself'- well then who were you? Maybe there is some truth- I wasn't the me I really know I can be.  It was an el zar- the strange god of yetzer hara (Gemara).
That's why it's called 'anger is like serving Avoda Zara

-Must remember that I have spark of Hashem in me.

-Better to be happy than be right - we lose a lot when use anger- especially respect- it is hard to respect someone who we've seen get angry.

-When we act angrily, we may lose our opportunity for greatness.  David haMelech was awarded kingship over Israel because he remained tranquil and did not anger.                                                             

-At the end of the Amida- we pray “that I shall not become angry or anger Hashem”