9 Av 2018

This was one of my best fasts (25 hours, no water or food!) yet.  The only prep I did was drinking a lot of water, no bananas or other tricks.  And B"H it went well.  I only nursed 3 times while fasting ( morning, nap, bedtime) and I was able to be active (and not need to lay down) most of the day.  I was just a little spent for "socializing" with the kids in the last few hours, but thank G-d was able to do some great projects with them and help them to have playdates and activities to do.  I think I'm seeing over the hill on the tougher times fasting while nursing.  Phew!

I read a lot of good articles and watched some good video shiurim on AlephBeta.org.  Here are some pics of our projects!  Rachelli and Adira had a short "camp" for the little kids and Nesi went to Camp Ora for a few hours too.

The kotel picture is printed from the Challa Crumbs blog, and we wrote our tefillas on the stones before decorating with sand or glitter.

the classic old fashioned paper doll chain, with mitzvot bein adam l'chavero (interpersonal commandments)/ahavat chinam (lovingkindness) mitzvot on it

Round-up on kids body safety: wise words from an annonymous blog article

1. “Body safety” is a concept you need to instill into your child as routinely as you teach them not to touch a hot stove or to look both ways before crossing the street. If you introduce the concept early enough, it won’t even register to them as novel or unusual.
2. This includes equipping your child to talk about all of their body parts, which means naming them with their anatomically correct names, like vulva and anus. If you’re as squeamish about those words as I was, two things to remember: 1) to your child, learning those words is no different than learning your elbow is the part of your arm that’s pointy and 2) if something does happen to your child, these are the words she needs so she can tell you — and so you can stop it from happening again. This book has been immensely helpful in talking to our kids about their bodies.
3. Another one to instill and get comfortable repeating: Your penis/vagina/anus/breasts are private parts. No one touches your private parts except you, unless you need help cleaning them or a doctor needs to check to see if they’re healthy. And no one should ever make you or ask you to touch their private parts. Also be sure your children understand that children do not get in trouble if someone has broken the body safety rules.
4. Avoid phrases like “good touch” and “bad touch,” because sometimes “bad touch” feels good. Experts advise wording like “OK touch” and “Not OK touch” to separate out sensation from safety. “Sometimes ‘bad touch’ feels good” is my euphemistic and squirmy way of telling you that your child may experience molestation as pleasurable. (I will add: it made me so deeply uncomfortable to type those words, because they conjure something that’s both horrible to imagine and true.)
5. No secrets. “We don’t keep secrets in our family” needs to be as fundamental as “We don’t hit.” We’ve eliminated from our vernacular phrases like “Don’t tell mommy/daddy…” that were about delightfully illicit things like drive-thru doughnuts instead of breakfast or three days without a bath. No secrets. (Surprises are different than secrets; they’re only temporary.)
6. As parents, we need to unambiguously communicate to everyone around our children that we are alert and vigilant and OUR CHILDREN ARE NOT PREY. It means having conversations that feel awkward or uncomfortable. Trust me that it is more uncomfortable to have to explain to your child’s kindergarten teacher that you believe he has been sexually abused.
7. Tell everyone, “We’re teaching our kids body safety rules.” Tell them that you teach your children that private parts are private, and you would like them to reinforce that rule with them. Explain that your children do not keep secrets, even harmless ones like having ice cream twice in one day or staying up past bedtime. Underscore this last part: “Our kids do not keep secrets from us.”
8. In our family, we are telling all future babysitters that we run background checks. We’re putting up a sign in the kids’ bathroom that lists our body safety rules in kid-friendly language. (Ours include: I’m the boss of my body; no one touches my private parts but me; we keep our clothes on except when washing; and NO secrets. If you want a quick-and-easy version, you can download one here.) Make clear to everyone around your children that you are vigilant and your kids are forthright and aware of boundaries.
9. You need to have this conversation with everyone. Everyone everyone everyone everyone everyone. I thought we were safe with our energetic, bubbly, college-girl babysitters. I was wrong. Have this conversation with the adults at school (teachers, aides, principals, tutors), babysitters, your parents and in-laws, your siblings and cousins, camp counselors, parents of your kids’ friends (yes, all of your kids’ friends), and every other adult or teenager who has access to your kids. Aim for the conversational equivalent of a tattoo on your face that says MY KIDS ARE NOT PREY.
10. Teach your children that if another child tells them about someone breaking body safety rules, they should tell you. Be sure to reinforce again that children don’t get in trouble if someone has broken body safety rules. I am so deeply and unspeakably grateful to the parents whose daughter spoke up about what she heard from my son. If she hadn’t, we might never have known — and it might still be going on. That little girl has likely changed the trajectory of my little boy’s life by being brave and smart and understanding the kind of touch that’s not okay.
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If you’re panicking right now about the things you haven’t done, I’ll tell you what the child abuse expert told us: It’s never too late to start doing any of this. We’re doubly focused on these things now because we know that children who have been abused are at a higher risk for further sexual abuse.