Monday, June 16, 2014

Book review: Growing Up Duggar: "it's all about relationships"

Book Review of Growing Up Duggar: "It's All About Relationships"

The four oldest Duggar girls (part of a family of 19 children with conservative Christian values) tell about the way they were raised and their family's very strong and clear values in this narrative style book, told in a way that girls, teens, and moms can all appreciate.  The chapters of the book are concentrically arranged from learning to respect oneself all the way up through the circle of family, friends, country, and world.

You and Yourself-
Comparing your appearance to others leads down a long road of dissatisfaction.  It takes you away from focusing on appreciating how G-d made you, and doing something purposeful with your time. 
Craving approval from others gives them the power.  

We need to accept our self-image because that leads others to respect us. 
G-d made us the way we are!

Parents Role
Importance of Father-Daughter relationship
A girl who is allowed to go out with "any ole" guy feels like her father doesn't care what happens to her.  It is super important for a girl's self-esteem that a father inquires a lot about a boy who he allows to take her out.  Feeling unloved by her father may drive her out in search of love from elsewhere, and vulnerable.
If your parent or anyone else in your life does not exhibit the qualities you wish they did, pray that they get what they need to be the best person they can be!

On communicating with parents:
When going through a hard time: as long as you keep talking, you'll be ok!
Don't just tell your kids that you are there to talk anytime, make sure it happens.
L'mashal: removing a splinter hurts for a moment but eliminates more future pain. Get long term relief and bring healing by sharing and solving a problem earlier rather than later.

Training children: Four points of obedience
Instant, cheerful, thorough, unconditional (not trying to avoid doing it by saying that's my not my job or can someone else do it)

On sibling relationships:
Go the extra mile for your brother or sister
Mah tovu... shevet achim gam yachad!  How good it is for siblings to be together!
Give a special gift to draw them closer
Siblings should seek to restore peace rather than to expose wrongdoing
Siblings can help each other and be loyal.  Complimenting someone in public helps decrease chance of others making fun of them.
Even an introverted child should be trained to greet others enthusiastically, thank others loudly and clearly, ask people open ended questions about themselves

Friends and dating:
True friends encourage others to do what's right
The difference between courtship and dating is that courtship happens in real life settings, there is accountability with parents and God
It's important to look for a guy that does not anger quickly and to teach young boys and men to be gentlemen with their mother, sisters

On entertainment/media:
Creative mindset: 
people are inspired to build, grow, create, develop skills and establish habits
Entertainment mindset: 

People need to be watching something or doing some form of entertaining activity
When watching things, be sure to be willing to stop it to discuss what you're seeing if it doesn't meet your standards.
Regarding sin or temptation: they will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay

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